Thank you! I’ll check it out

Thank you, I’ll give it a try.

Suggestions?

Ok…

Eww

Because most websites are not English and every single time I want to translate a site, I have to use a drop down list to select English as the language to translate to.

I can’t cope with the shitty translate on Firefox mobile, I live in a non English country and it’s driving me insane

Thabk you for the kind words and taking time to respond.

I’ve put a lot of effort into making friends over the last 11 years, I had a good community and a hobby that got me out and about with people all the time, unfortunately during the pandemic I moved to one of the most socially isolating countries there is, it’s taken me 4 and a half years to make new friends but I have a bunch of friends again, but it just doesn’t seem like it’s enough, it never is. Even back home, with all I had going for me, I spent most of my time alone and felt this way.

The only thing I can think of is that they distract me from the emptiness, when they’re there, the emptiness is subdued for a while.

I’ve been doing tons of introspection on why I feel this way and I don’t know. I have BPD, which makes things difficult. I know that on a Saturday morning, if I haven’t got plans with someone, I wake up feeling like there’s no point in even waking up, my existence serves no purpose besides being there for my mom. I’ve lost interest in my hobbies because of a lifetime of never being able to afford what I need to complete anything, and anxiety and fear of failure has creeped into everything. I don’t even play games anymore unless it’s with someone.

Being alone feels terrifying and so so empty.

Yeah, but I have BPD, and know FPs are dangerous (still want one tho)

Because I’ve been very isolated and alone all my life, including home schooling, when I’m alone there’s this emptiness inside of me that never gets filled. I get so anxious when I’m alone and have slowly lost the ability to do things to distract myself from it.

Theres a difference between being lonely and alone, I used to be good at being alone but I’ve never been able to cope with being lonely. Life seems pointless without others in it.