The first half of your post is you talking about trauma you’ve received from other people, telling you that you’re wrong/evil/broken/perverted etc.

The second half of your post is explaining how you think it’s ok for you to do the same thing to others, because you do it “for the right reasons”

When you confront a bigot with transphobia pushed to the extreme, what you do is add to the trauma that every trans person already has to deal with daily. You don’t magically convert someone from bigotry. Bigots aren’t bigots because they reasons their way in to bigotry, and so you can’t stop them from being bigots by reasoning them out of it.

Folks like you and the hundred other people also “just asking questions” or playing devils advocate" and expecting trans people to engage in a debate as to whether or not we actually deserve equal rights is exactly why this shit never works.

It’s interesting to you because it’s purely intellectual. To the person having to endlessly argue that they do in fact deserve equal rights, it’s a shit fucking experience that we actively seek to disengage from when possible, because it’s all around us, all the time.

You see, I’m an anarchist. I trust in the power of people to self-organize, self-regulate, and self-police. I am philosophically opposed to whole instances making the call to defederate from another no matter how Nazi or capitalist that instance is.

That’s great, but it’s not for everyone. What you’re saying here is that when bigots appear, every member of the minorities they target needs to individually block the troll, which they can only do after they’ve been exposed to the bigotry, and which doesn’t help them at all in the future when the troll moves to a new throw away account.

Counter intuitively, what you’re asking for is exactly how you create spaces that actively discourage diversity.

Gotosocial has a setting in development that is designed to baffle bots that don’t respect robots.txt. FediDB didn’t know about that feature and thought gotosocial was trying to inflate their stats.

In the arguments that went back and forth between the devs of the apps involved, it turns out that FediDB was ignoring robots.txt. ie, it was badly behaved

I don’t. I don’t “hold myself accountable” in the way you frame it, because if you “hold yourself accountable” every time your ADHD gets the better of you, you’ll just end up constantly angry at yourself, and still not getting things done, because being angry at yourself doesn’t make your ADHD go away.

So, I will always live in a messy house. But, I (mostly) stop it from getting out of control, and that’s enough. I don’t beat myself up that I can’t keep a house the way many other folk do.

A saying that helped me is “If something is worth doing, it’s worth doing badly”. Which is to say, if something is worth doing, then getting it started and partly done is still better than not getting it done at all. Do the thing you need to do until you can’t do it. Then instead of forcing yourself to keep doing it, move on to something else. A hastily done kitty litter is better than none. A thrown together resume is better than not putting in an application (because you can always update/change it in the future). Give yourself permission to do things “badly”, because at least, you’ll be doing the things.